A Cause for Absence

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It’s been several months since my last post on here.  Many blogs fall to the wayside as people get busy, their motivation changes or they lose interest.  The reason for my absence is due to the first, but not in the typical sense.

I’ve wanted to post and attempted a few, but I couldn’t get over the hurdle.  The reason was because I wasn’t ready to say why my motivation had teetered off.  I don’t want to go into huge details, some friends didn’t know about it until months after things took a turn for the worst.  On April 20th, my mom passed away after a long battle with cancer.

Last year my moms cancer returned (she had been in remission for 4 years from breast cancer).  She was sick off and on until they found a drug that worked.  She was living with stage 4 cancer, metastasized breast cancer. People can live for decades with it. However, things took a turn by the fall when the cancer spread to her bones.  they started new drugs which seemed to keep the cancer at bay.  Then, she got sick with the NORA virus.

After that she got progressively worse.  She went to the Anderson Center in Texas and got very positive response…but she was putting on fluid and in pain.  She was too sick to do a scan and it’s likely the cancer had spread to other parts of her body.  She got worse and became bedridden.  Hospice was called and she was in and out of consciousness and the hospital.  A month after her appointment in Anderson she passed away.

Suffice to say, I have been a complete wreck the last few months.  There is a lot of documented research on the effects of losing a loved one, especially after an illness.  Reading through them, I see it in me.  It’s affected my job performance and the stress of not doing well has only made things worse.  This has been the hardest period of my life and I still feel like I’m in a fog.

During this time, I’ve been overwhelmed by the amount of support I’ve received.  I’ve felt very loved during this time and overwhelmed by my friends and family friends.  Several came to visit, 5 came to the funeral and I still get daily checks from several people.  I am beyond blessed to have the people in my life that I do.

My mom was an amazing woman and I don’t just say that as her daughter.  The people who told me stories of how she had changed their lives, of her talents of her being one of a kind….they all lead up to her.  There are people who remind you of others because of who they are, but of the thousands upon thousands of people I’ve met, none have reminded me of her.  And I’m not alone in that thought.

Today is Mother’s Day and I know it’ll be a rough day.  The constant reminders of what holiday it is breaks my heart.  My mom was the person closest to me and the person who kept me grounded.  However, I go forward in her memory, striving to live up to me a person she is proud of.  I received several messages and had several people approach me in the midst of her funeral saying how proud of me she was, how much like her I was.

Heading forward, I plan on doing more frequent posts (plus school is ending in 27 days…) .  Positive things and vibes coming soon!

 

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